Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Best Mascot

Going off of a post from yesterday, I'm going to continue to judge the AHL teams by their aesthetics in the hopes that it will help me choose a team to cheer for. Today it is the mascots. Some of you may be crying foul since the mascots often appear in the logo, but I'll forgive your ignorance since a mascot on paper is not a mascot in real life and what looks good in Microsoft Paint, may be the stuff that gives children's nightmares in real life.

Lets get to it.

Atlantic: Hershey Bears




It's name is Coco! Open and shut.

Fine, I'll consider the others. Remember that thing  I said before? About logos looking good on paint but mascots being the stuff of nightmares? Check and mate is the Phantoms mascot, which looks like tye-dye fanatic. I would say google it, but don't. It's like doing a google image search to self diagnose a wart. It can't be unseen. The Falcons mascot is also equally angry.  Penguins was a deranged muppet looking creature with eyes and no head. The providence mascot is also kinda scary. Most of them were scary, but the Portland Pirates pulled up one good design and one bad design so to be safe, they both lose. The Wolfpack and Soundtiger mascots were surprisingly good, but...

IT'S NAME IS COCO AND IT LIVES IN HERSHEY!

North: Toronto Marlies




Surprisingly hard. So, easy ones to dismiss, Ice caps. I like the puffin, but don't make it look so sad. Then again, it lives in Utica, so maybe that's just a sad place to be. Senators, you mascot looks like an axe murdering cartoon character. Rochester, your moose looks like its on pain killers. This is an intervention. As for the real contenders, Albany, you were so close but the dog is just too fat and fat people make me sad, but overall really good. Utica, I really like your Alien design, compared to the Lehigh Night Terror, you get it right, but ultimately Marley in his latest state is just simple enough to work. I would say tie, but I think of it this way, which one looks more hugable? Sure, I may want to have a drink with the Utica mascot, but the Marlies mascot is just more approachable. Just don't Google Syracuse Crunch's old mascot.

Central: Iowa Wild




Dear god, how many of them want to eat children?

All of them. All of them do. But more importantly, why is the Lake Erie Monsters mascot a bird? And if it had to be a bird, why did it have to be a bird that eats children? What the hell goes on in the
Midwest to make these things acceptable? Wild gets it because the only one that wasn't angry, or had eyes proportional to its head. I'm looking a you checkers mascot!

Pacific: San Antonio Rampage




Uhmm, San Diego, I can see the face of a person in your mascot. Just letting you know, it kinda loses the effect... Oh, and if I can trust the words of John Hammond, Condors are on the verge of extinction, and I can see why base on how ugly that mascot is. That said, this was the hardest division to choose a favorite mascot. For one, I don't think the Stars or the Barracuda have one yet. The heat mascot is so stupid I almost chose it on principal alone, but it really came down to San Antonio and the Reign. San Antonio's mascot with its bare white eyes makes me feel like I'm looking at an actual cartoon, and the effect is almost hypnotic. The reign on the other hand have a dark knight who rides an ATV and slays dragsons. It is clear cut winner. But, evidence on the facebook page makes me think that the dark knight might be getting retired, so on the basis of not being sure, I have to declare San Antonio the winner.
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